Thirty-five years ago, I convinced another girl to eat a cow pie.
It’s hard to admit this – it’s actually awful, really. The short story is that it was a counselor-approved camp “initiation” ceremony (aka “hazing”), and that I actually stopped her before she did it. But there was a minute or two where I looked this girl in the eye and told her everyone else had done it and it wasn’t a big deal and she believed me. She believed me. And here’s the worst part: despite it all, I blamed her for being so gullible. I was thirteen, and I believed someone that stupid and easily pressured didn’t deserve my respect. To subdue any shame in my own brain, I convinced myself it was her fault.
But it wasn’t her fault. And over the next few years the memory of that moment and her trust in me slowly ate away at me. I couldn’t believe I had done it, that she had believed me, that the other girls (and counselor) had just let me make this outrageous demand. That I had briefly believed that because I had stopped her from doing this horrible thing that I was somehow excused from the guilt of starting it in the first place. Worst of all was realizing that I had that power, and that I could so easily abuse it. Which meant that other people could do that sort of thing, too. It was horrifying and humbling.
A few years later, in the first month of my freshman year at college, a nerdy boy latched on to the two “alternative” girls on the hall. The first one wore heavy eyeliner and made her own artsy clothes. The second one listened to grunge music, had a nose ring, and stashed a clandestine goldfish in her room. They were wicked cool. Anyone could see that.
The boy was a classic music geek. Thick glasses, horrible bowl haircut, collared shirts buttoned up to his neck. He was super intelligent and sweet, but had the street smarts of a ten-year-old. A few weeks into the school year, the two cool girls announced they were going to give him a fashion make-over. To my horror, he was thrilled at this idea. I tried to articulate my concerns, but I was dismissed as a stick-in-the-mud. They tromped down to the local second-hand clothing store and returned later with his new-and-approved wardrobe. This being the nineties, it was a lot of flannel shirts.
For a few weeks, he was blessed with their attention and a spot with them at lunch. By Thanksgiving, the girls had moved on to dating upper classman and ignoring him, and music boy was spending hours in the practice rooms of the music building. In the end, he came through alright, but my respect for the cool girls was gone. Whatever their intentions, whatever his willingness, they had dared to assume that they knew what suited him better than he did.
Last summer, four months into Covid, my son’s mild depression kicked up into something more serious. Isolated and lonely, he spent hours online on reddit and discord connecting with friends and strangers. The one school friend he kept in touch with was a girl we’d known for a while, slightly funky, but generally pretty cool. As he began to sink lower, it was clear she was becoming more important to him. When I asked if he might have a crush on her, he’d responded that she was a lesbian. My response: “Every high school boy should have a lesbian friend.” I thought he was in good hands.
Forty-eight hours after my son announced to us that he thought he might be trans, this teen girl sent me a text congratulating me on having a trans son, saying I must be so proud, and offering to help educate me if I had any questions. You might be surprised to hear that I did not take a teenage girl up on her offer of advice on the psychosocial and sexual development of my son.
Her gall continued. It was clear she had found a new venue for her deep desire to venge justice upon the world. Clearly, this was a wounded and neglected trans boy whose parents just didn’t understand him. Despite her busy schedule of therapy to deal with her anorexia, cutting, and suicide attempt, she found time to provide him clothing and test out nail polish on him.
Over the next few months, we scrambled to find a good therapist, add in an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine, and try to expand our son’s world. By January, he was pulling out of his depression, desisting from his trans identity, engaged and happy, and doing well in school.
In late winter, he invited a few friends over (socially distanced – relax!), including the now “non-binary” girl. As a gift, she snuck him some more girl’s clothes.
Which he has not worn.
Every few days, I surreptitiously check the pile of girl’s clothing to see if they’ve been worn. For weeks, they’ve been gathering dust. He’s moved on, but I fear she has not. When will she inquire? It’s the unwanted gift from the lesbian ex-crush girl friend who thinks she’s being helpful. Where’s the Hallmark Card for that one? “Sorry I Confused You and Everyone but It Was a Super Weird Teenage Stage and Can We All Just Pretend That Didn’t Happen?”
And how do we get these teenage girls to back off? They’ve been inundated with conflicting messages that warn them that #MeToo status is threatening them around every corner, or “Girls Can Do Anything” platitudes bejeweled on backpacks. They think they are both more powerful and more fragile than they really are. How can we get them to realize their role is to find that deep sacred truth inside themselves and protect it, while also honoring the dignity of the people around them?
Listen up teenage girls – and for any adults in the wings, this is for you, too. If someone tells you they think they might be trans, your job is not to fix them. If they seem anxious, depressed, or have low self-esteem, being supportive does not mean blind affirmation nor any affirmation at all. This person is fragile, yes. This person needs friendship and support. But the best thing you can say is “I really like you just as you are. Right now.” Anything else, any slight tipping of the scale, or gentle breath on their sail reflects deep narcissism on your part. You are not God. This is not your call to make nor your battle to wage. Back off.
The hubris of the teenage mind is not a new thing. What is new is this sudden cultural amnesia that forgets that adolescence is marked by these painful periods of self-doubt, cruel acts of bullying, and humiliating errors in self-perception. Grown-ups know this. We think we’re being so kind and so thoughtful by “following the child’s lead” when it comes to gender identity, but if we’re letting kids lead, we’re just acting like children. Let kids be kids. Let teenagers be teenagers. But it’s time for us adults to act like grown-ups.
28 comments
Dear adult wahmens (ex-teen girls) I know this must be so hard for you to hear and actually I wonder if you are even reading this. You’re busy turning everyone trans with your tik tok voodoo. See, I’m like you. I am exactly like you. I made a girl eat dung but now I regret it. Me sound so wise now. Me sound so truly compassionate. I regret it everyday and you will one day regret it too. I am lucky though. There is no one calling me a bigot for speaking confession porn about force feeding feces . See me really caring now about it. It was a simple time when we would only make you eat your own poop. Now you tell stupid little useless childrens dat dey trans and then get lifted up on a rainbow. Well I the mommy and I put my foot down and say STOP IT. I learned how to stop feeding doody and you can too. You can stop feeding doo doo just like me.
I don’t know if giving nerds a fashion makeover is all that bad. It’s not like they convinced them to get face tattoos and wear dresses. They might actually find dates.
“Despite her busy schedule of therapy to deal with her anorexia, cutting, and suicide attempt, she found time to provide him clothing and test out nail polish on him.”
It’s probably like Josh Slocum of Disaffected Podcast says: all of these people are some mix of the cluster B personality disorders. That gnostic “attitude” or “disposition”, as James calls it, or the people with the “unconstrained vision” as Thomas Sowell calls it, probably has roots in cluster B.
Narcissism is present to some degree in every one of the cluster B disordered. Philosophers will call it “solipcism”, but I think narcissism is actually what drives them, and it’s what underpins their philosophical solipcism.
I personally believe that these cluster B personalities have converged through the ages and have codified their mental illness into a system of thought. Write a book and suddenly you’re an expert, and respectable. And now with social media and the internet they can gather in such quantities that they begin to feel that whatever they are, it needs to be considered normal.
Like Nietzsche said, every philosophy is, essentially, the confession of a philosopher.
They do it largely to get the narcissistic supply they feel they so richly deserve. Oh, those misunderstood geniuses…. Because, you know, they know everything better than you. Call it hubris – but I think it’s because they secretly believe that they have gnosis into the very fabric of reality. But they’re probably just disturbed people who belong in therapy.
But they’re not in therapy. They’re out here among us, running the asylum.
Bullseye. You nailed it. Bravo.
Top post this comment on every ND TransInc comment thread.
Unconstrained vanity devours exhausted humanity and vomits up monsters (Woke, Queer-TransInc, Antifa, NGOs, WEF, UN, WHO, ad infinitum…) and their legion of self-aggrandizing lackeys (Quislings of the techno-Panopticon).
The question regarding these monsters is no longer what or who or why. The question is what the f-ck do we do to put and end to their monstrosity once and for all. For me, the answer begins with one word: NO!
“It’s things like these that make me seriously wonder whether liberal democracy was a mistake and we should do religious fundamentalism instead.”
Interesting you should mention that since I have sometimes wondered the same thing.
Although, of course, I wouldn’t want that either. I am beginning to think it is true though that the necessity for God is needed to keep a “liberal democracy” from falling apart.
Interesting for me too, the subjects of, “tom boy,’ ‘trans recruiter”, and religious fundamentalism being brought up on the same page.
I grew up in a very suffocating, abusive religious atmosphere where, “spare the rod, spoil the child” was taken quite literally, and was the answer to almost every conflict with children. I was also a tomboy, and that was never an issue. I just wanted the attention of older brothers, to play with the boys, and loved running around like they did. Was very lonely since it just doesn’t work that way. Big brothers do not want to run around with their little sister.
Fast forward to grown up years, was not prepared to be in the world, became bulimic, and suffered bad depressions after difficult losses.
During the eighties was horrified when the, “Religious Right”, was making the news all the time. due to political successes. Yikes!
Fast forward to now, and when I see the Olympic committee, schools allowing trans men/boys to be in women’s/girls sports, this “trans fad” as I call it, the “wokey dopey” craziness, and we are all just supposed to accept this BS? No freakin’ way!
It has been maddening to see the indoctrination being perpetuated onto these poor vulnerable girls, and boys. I read one blog by a butch lesbian who felt the same way I did, that thank goodness she wasn’t growing up now, or she might have been influenced to butcher up her body. (I am plain, ol’ heterosexual).
I bet there are many of us out here, but I don’t know how to get the word out to more girls, more parents about hearing from people like me, who know how rough it is to try and be comfortable in our own skin, and are so thankful we aren’t growing up now with all this BS. Soooo many in the medical, counseling fields are wrong, and just going along to get along. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d see so many adults being so freakin’ spineless.
Am very thankful people like Navratilova, and JK Rowling have spoken out They have also paid the price by being dragged through the mud for it, and mindlessly slammed as, “TERF’s”.
So, my question is why are so many adults spineless against this fanatical leftism, but fine dismissing, or even making fun of, “religious right” type people, or even anyone who is religious?
It’s easy these days for secular people to dismiss someone who thinks the world is only 6,000 yrs. old, but why isn’t it just as easy to dismiss the ignorant statement of that “trans recruiter’?
Now, instead of getting out of a cult, and breathing a breath of fresh air being in a free society, I feel like it’s impossible to escape a domineering, increasingly politicized, “cult-ure.” It’s feeling all claustrophobic again.
Above response is in response to AJ’s post below…(No delete for posts on here)?.
I’ve felt intensely drawn to Christianity over especially the last year or so due to exactly the thing you’re pointing out. It’s crazy, I’ve been an atheist for 35 years, but this is where the facts are leading me. Like Jordan Peterson said recently in one of his shows: “So you think Catholicism is crazy? You just wait and see what it was protecting you from.” That really stuck with me, and I cannot deny that the new atheists got their Christianity-free world, and it’s all gone to Hell. Maybe Christianity is crazy, but compared to what?
Couple of odd comments on that:
Luckily I ended up getting re-introduced to Christianity by serious, balanced people like John Lennox, Josh & Sean McDowell, Frank Turek, Trent Horn, and William Lane Craig. They seem quite unlike the terrible environment you grew up in. In fact, just yesterday I stumbled upon a small channel that you might find interesting, as he talks about actual research into the things that turn people away from God: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-CHMUM1Ozg
Whatever one says, if Christianity has something down pat, it’s the basic philosophical metaphysics/ontology and espistemology.
God created this world, and it’s REAL, objective, logical and rational, and per imago dei we humans can comprehend it. No doubt science as we know it arose from that understanding. In fact, Christianity goes a bit further than even many atheists/scientists of today as they also believe that morality and truth is objective. Certainly they know that God created men and women, and you don’t fuck around with the Creator. If you’re *that* type of Christian, or just believe it culturally while being an atheist, the current Woke gnosticism would have a very, very hard time hijacking your mind.
I don’t know if we can survive this if we don’t embrace at a minimum this part of Christianity. So I’m really looking into the Christian faith these last months. Last week I had a vivid dream where I’m pretty sure I met Jesus or an angel at least. It was rather wonderful, and somewhat unsettling given my history with Christian apostasy. So we’ll see where all of that goes.
Now, for the liberalism issue … I think liberalism isn’t a full worldview (I don’t even think it pretends to be), so it must be supported by other elements to work. To some degree liberalism is couched in Christianity, because Christians wanted freedom so that they could serve God unimpeded, and to honor the free will they have been given.
People have begun to fall down on two sides of liberalism. There’s Carl Benjamin of the Lotus Eaters. He believes that liberalism is inherently flawed and will lead to Wokeness. On the other side there’s James who stresses that we should not underestimate the parasitic nature of the gnostic cults. I find James’ argument most persuasive, because i believe I understand how parasitic gnosticism is. Liberalism and Liberation aren’t the same thing, and the gnostics have turned liberalism into liberationism. No one noticed, because of their double speak (polysemy).
So just like Gad Saad says, when people are parasitized they will be repurposed to serve the parasite’s goals. Even to their own detriment. Like Queers for Palestine, or Chickens for KFC.
Thus many liberals now serve Liberation (the parasite), not liberalism.
“So, my question is why are so many adults spineless against this fanatical leftism, but fine dismissing, or even making fun of, “religious right” type people, or even anyone who is religious?”
There is no negative consequence for dismissing the religious right, in fact there are rewards.
You can lose your job, or entire career for standing up to the woke mob.
The more of us who speak up, the easier it becomes and the more the Left’s power is diminished. Be prepared for the blowback and never apologize.
People are broken, and I am profoundly sad.
This is what the MSM, Leftists, and Opportunists did to the Elderly during the Lockdown.
We forget that only two decades ago (ca. 2001), the massive interactivity of the current internet did not exist. The internet, and everything else it has produced, has had a seismic effect on human social interaction.
Before, parents could somewhat limit a child’s exposure to toxic influences, although not at school. But back then, the nerds hung out with each other, and enjoyed the comfort of kids socializing. At another nerd’s house after school, great enjoyment could be had in mocking the school’s cool kids, which afforded some armor when back at school the next day.
Today, of course, the scope of electronic human interaction and exposure is infinite. Kids can be convinced they are “trans” by people they’ve never actually met. A parent is unlikely to be able to limit a kid’s electronics without putting the entire household off-grid. (There are probably techniques available, to the tech-sophisticated household, but that doesn’t help the ordinary family.)
We are all of us right in the middle of this tech revolution. Impossible to foresee what will become of those so badly affected by it, but articles like these are important in illustrating the contours where dragons actually lie.
Seems like woman blaming, yet again.
Because female humans are incapable of doing any wrong, correct?
For the record, she was blaming a girl, not a woman.
Women are quite capable of being wrong. For example, the one who wrote this article blaming a child at school for her own parenting failures.
Your first sentence would be a media sensation if it ever got out.
Agreed. They’re also incapable of narcissism, The comments here prove it……..
Put the blame where it’s due.
Did you just assume Xer’s gender? BIGOT!!!!
You’d think the Left with #MeToo still trending would be especially sensitive to manipulations and intimidation as it follows how the impressionable, especially children, can be taken advantage of. Isn’t this kind of victimization and power leveraging a big chunk of woke criticism? However, I was once that dumb girl who almost ate the cow pie. I was 6 and an older girl around 12 wanted me to put my mouth on her privates. With her pants down by her ankles, she spent a good 10 minutes imploring me to try it. I did not want to offend, so I tilted my head downward about to oblige although it was the last thing I wanted to do. Just then my mother called out my name. The girl yanked up her pants and scammed. I was spared. I’m male, and that wasn’t the first time that girl or other females have tried similar acts. I never told anyone; I sensed it would have made adults uncomfortable. Yes, I saw through #MeToo the first time I heard of it. When the NYT asked for MeToo stories, I sent the above. They did not publish it.
We are as a species wired to despise weakness; seeing weakness displayed even if it is a loser acknowledging defeat and inferiority only angers us further – because we all know that there is always someone more powerful. Today, you are top dog. Tomorrow you’re the runty mutt at the back of the pack. All it takes is one bad day, one display of weakness. NB: kindness, fairness, and so on is not weakness. Going with the flow and running with the pack is not weakness, it’s natural – but doing it in such a way that it becomes obvious to everyone else that it is in fact not natural for you, that you’re just acting (or even worse doing it ‘ironically’ in a distanced “I reject your social hierarchy of acclomplishments and behaviour and insists on my own, private, one where I’m always on top”… well, just typing that gets my hackles up. Be strong – strength is a choice, and as all choices it has a cost. And the price you are willing to pay for being strong, being you without rationalisations och excuses, tells all others what you are worth. Harsh, as are all truths, and unfair. Look at it like this: you are climbing a tree, and you take a fall. Does blaming the tree get you up there again? Does it mean the fall didn’t happen? Was your fall “ackcherly” in purpose, and everyone else is just to square to “get it”? If you think like that, you are the problem. Be strong, walk tall, and spit in the eye of fate.
Brilliant piece, thank you. It occurs to me that you might have meant ‘trans daughter’ when you said ‘trans daughter’ and ‘trans girl’ when you said ‘trans boy’ but perhaps you chose not to use this description
The lesson from history is that swaths of land have been taken and lost for eons. To think that we are so sophisticated and enlightened that this will never happen here is the epitome of ignorance and nativity. This current movement is so cunning that the next exchange of land may come by simply handing it over out of guilt for a sin not committed by the giver.
Where were the boy’s parents in all this? The problems are clearly deep and have a long history. It’s ridiculously simplifying to collapse this down into an issue with another teenager. The seeds were planted for this long before she came around. I hope his parents are waking up to this or the next problem will be SO much worse.
As a commenter said, there is a series of articles in Quillette by Angus Fox on ROGD boys called, I think, when sons become daughters. There are also some paragraphs on this subject in the book When Kids Say They’re Trans.
I’ve been following a series on Quillette relating the stories by (primarily) mums about their sons’ suddenly deciding that they’re trans. The ‘helpful’ girl-friend, supposedly lesbian or non-binary herself, actively encouraging the confused boy, seems to be a recurring theme.
It’s as if these girls are using the boys to work out their own issues, as therapeutic guinea pigs or something.
One of my favorite comedians once said that high schoolers get away with crap that would get grown men thrown in psych wards.
And – in the age of woke – that maxim is spreading across age groups.
However, the core wellspring of psychological torture and manipulation in Western society is teenage girls. This is obvious. This is massive. And it’s only getting worse as the Tumblr cancer gets more and more bulletproofing for their bullying from polite society.
I know a grown-ass woman who – like me – is in her thirties. Total lezzie and a girly one at that. Very intelligent and sophisticated and confident in her own skin. Never in the 70% of her life that I’ve known her had she ever expressed the slightest inkling of gender dysphoria.
But one conversation with a trans recruiter about how “Pretty much all tomboys are actually trans” had this actual adult seriously questioning her gender identity.
It’s things like these that make me seriously wonder whether liberal democracy was a mistake and we should do religious fundamentalism instead. If society is going to be a cult, then at least it should be a decent one that respects the value of humanity.
I’ve had the same thought as you, about religious fundamentalism being the lesser evil.
Never thought I’d end up preferring to be on that side of the fence. Damn them Wokes for forcing me there.
I think we can get by with telling the woke to go peddle their nonsense elsewhere.
I just saw some clips from Matt Walsh’s appearance on the Dr. Phil Show, where he debated some trans activists. It was brilliant.